i looked at the calendar last week and realized that i am now officially 3 months post op. that’s right. i have survived 12 weeks without my lady parts. i was wheeled out of a hospital, into my car, and i crawled into my bed, feeling pretty much like hell 3 months ago, but here i am.
in three months, i’ve had some mixed emotions, which i think is probably pretty normal for someone who has had a drastic procedure done. my life as a woman was fast forwarded, so that my 60 year old mother and i could now have some common ground to speak on. hot flashes. hormone replacement. we could avoid talking about our uncomfortable relationship and instead talk about what you do with 21 tampons you’ll never use that are still under your bathroom sink.
i think i was kind of sad for awhile. there were times when i really did sort of regret what i had done even though there weren’t any other options. not really. there were camps of people who were quick to let me and every other woman in my position know that this surgery “wouldn’t cure my endometriosis” and that “we have to take a stand against doctors using hysterectomy as treatment” — but really… there is no cure for this disease. none. nothing will cure it. it will keep coming, and at the present moment, it was ruining my life in a pretty significant way. it was ruining my marriage, my health, my ability to enjoy the activities i love, and what wouldn’t i sacrifice to make that whole again? my uterus? a couple ovaries that have caused me nothing but trouble?
fuck it. take ’em.
even though that’s where you end up in your head, it’s hard to reckon with some days, and i don’t know why. my family is “complete”. whatever in the hell that means. i didn’t enjoy having a period, but it made me feel vital. it’s a bit strange being 35, and just having it absent. realizing… it’s not coming back. ever. i feel like i’m 55 all of a sudden, and i know that isn’t true. it’s just strange.
3 months post op, and i would like to think that my hormones are getting straightened out. since i do have endometriosis, i’m taking a little bit of progesterone with my estrogen. a plan of attack meant to keep the endo at bay. hopefully for my lifetime. to be honest, in the hormone department, i think i feel the most balanced i’ve ever felt. if you suffer from endo, and any doctor has ever told you this is an estrogen dominant disease, i fully believe it now that my body has considerably less estrogen and therefore can’t really be bossed around by it. i feel, well, normal. my mood has improved. my skin cleared up. i sleep better. for the first time in my adult life, i don’t have insomnia. headaches that i suffered with for most of my life are not such an issue. i don’t crave sugar or sweets like i used to. i just feel…. better.
after my surgery, i decided to try something to aid my body in purging all of the metals and toxins that were no doubt hiding out in my liver from years of injections and medical procedures. i decided to do a chlorella cleanse. chlorella is an algae that is supposed to help do amazing things for your liver and detoxification. it also is known to help women balance estrogen and hormone levels within their own bodies. i figured since my own body was going crazy from having ovaries and then not having them, then being on HRT and adjusting to that — maybe i could help it out a little by using chlorella. i read about it a lot and there are a lot of articles about the healing properties this super food has. (however, if you have some autoimmune disorders or asthma, it might actually make you feel worse. )
all the literature seemed to suggest starting out slow to make sure you weren’t allergic to it, and while i have taken chlorella in small doses before, i heeded this advice. i started with 1mg once a day, and over the course of 3 weeks, worked my way up to 20mg a day, spread out across the course of the whole day. this is the dose i am taking at this time. i will continue to take it for a week or two. it really has improved my energy and i had hot flashes that were coming despite the HRT just two weeks ago. i made an appointment with my doctor to discuss changing HRT, but could not be seen for 3 weeks. since upping the chlorella dose, they have gone away. i’m not sure what is to thank for that, but either way. i will just be glad they are gone.
if you are interested in chlorella, i suggest researching it a bit. this website was super helpful though. i used the tablets. extremely digestible. easy to take with you. didn’t have a bad aftertaste. i’ve been using the powder form for a long time in smoothies, and it’s never been my favorite. in fact, it tastes pretty terrible. maybe you’ll love it. i think it looks and tastes like something you’d skim off a koi pond. no matter what you choose, just make sure it’s of good quality and that is has a “broken cell wall” — or else your body will not be able to process it. i also used cilantro when i got to the maximum dose of chlorella, and it did really seem to help make a difference.
i will say this in closing. no. a hysterectomy is not a cure for endo. it will not make it go away. there is a chance in a year or five i will start to feel those old familiar feelings that signal it’s time to crack me open again, and see that i’m riddled with adhesions that have few places to grow but the incredibly inconvenient ones. however, what i can do is enjoy the time i have being pain free. i would rather make the choice to take the option i did, and live the next years indefinitely pain free…. then continue to live with this disease and know for sure that i will wake up tomorrow and feel like garbage. i’ve gotten all the mileage i can out of my uterus. my ovaries and i have seen better days. my cervix was likely only going to give me cancer and guarantee that i had to get a pap smear every year, and let’s face it, no one looks forward to that.
what i can do, since there is no available cure, is continue to try to find alternatives to heal myself. sometimes that means drastic things like a hysterectomy. sometimes that means ingesting pond scum in an effort to balance my body a little. either way. i’m not done fighting it. i won’t be, because i’m certain it’s probably not done with me.